DEAR DEIDRE: I AM unsure whether to go back to my wife for the sake of our children – or take a chance with someone new.
I am 37 and my wife is 35. We’ve been married for 12 years and have kids aged eight and six.
But I recently left home for a trial separation, as we were making one another unhappy.
We have always had a fiery relationship and over time that translated into a rocky marriage due to the constant arguments.
We used to love going to the cinema and taking adventurous foreign holidays.
Now it feels like we are a million miles apart.
I know my wife still loves me, and I still care for her.
She has asked me for a last chance to make things work and has suggested we both compromise a bit.
But I have my doubts — especially as I’ve met another woman, at the gym.
I wasn’t looking for a relationship so soon but this woman is very compatible with my personality.
She is 32, adventurous and has a youthful outlook. She knows my situation and is very understanding.
She makes me feel alive, amazing, wanted and respected.
Sex with her is awesome and I believe we could have a happy future together.
If it weren’t for the children, I would definitely now be walking away, though I know it would hurt my wife a great deal.
But my children are such a big consideration. I don’t want them to miss out, or to harm them.
So should I sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of the whole family?
DEIDRE SAYS: You sound genuinely torn but of course it is wrong to cheat on your wife like this.
Your lover is a distraction when you need to focus on the issues in your marriage and work through them.
Sex with your lover is new and exciting but, just as with any lover, that doesn’t mean it would necessarily work as a lasting relationship.
Tell her you are sorry if you have given her the wrong idea but you have realised you want to work on your marriage.
Then try to steer clear of her at the gym as far as possible.
Learn from this that a happy future lies in working on any difficulties in your marriage, if only for your children’s sake at first.
They would be deeply affected by a family break-up.
My support pack Torn Between Two Women will help you think this through.